Share this:

It’s Wednesday. Hump day. So saddle up for another day of good stuff. I need to make an announcement first. June 17, you set a record for most views in a day for the site. The previous high was in May. But, I don’t know if June will be able to catch up with May. Right now, June is in second place all time so only May 2013 is ahead of it. We’ll see. Thanks for the support as it seems you are enjoying the stuff you see here at DALANEL. And now to the joke:

The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant.

“Doctor,” she explained, “the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.”

The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the lady’s breasts.

He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on one nipple.

“Young lady,” he finally announced, “no wonder the baby is losing weight, you haven’t any milk!”

“Of course not!” she shrieked. “It’s not my child, it’s my sister’s!”

Oh my goodness! Where was the sister? Also, I don’t think doctors randomly start sucking nipples, right ladies? Otherwise I need to change professions-HEY I’M KIDDING. Here’s a video:

Share this:

I’ve been working with kids for quite some time. Ever since I was 12. Just about all of this was at church though. Vacation Bible School, Children’s church, and summer camp. Done a little babysitting too. In all my years, I can share a few words.

First of all, we need to appreciate what kids bring to the table. They are young, but too many times their dreams are dashed simply by people telling them that they could never pull it off. From a spiritual standpoint, we have to understand the Christian child has the same Holy Spirit inside of him as an adult would have and therefore is capable of doing great things. The Holy Spirit will use who ever He wants and more importantly who ever allows to be used by Him.

But, this isn’t a religious post really.

I’ve made a name for myself in the bloggerverse. I have a couple of books. I know quite of information that most people my age may not know. Still, people are drawn to older people. Why? It’s assumed that grandpa knows more. And sure, he’s got more experience but experience doesn’t make you right all the time. This happens to me all the time. It doesn’t help that everybody sees me as a 16 year old (that’s based off the reactions people give when I reveal my real age). And a lot of times it is assumed that I know nothing.

Kids go through that everyday.

Share this:

Tuesday is gonna be terrific, isn’t it? I bet it will be. Did you see the latest scene of my play posted earlier this morning? Check it out. And now, let’s get to the good stuff.

While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students. “As you can see,” he says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.” The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, “What would you do in a case like this?” “Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d limp, too.”

Same here. Alright well let’s look at this video:

Share this:

Lamar, David, and Slap are in the Janitor’s closet. They are discussing how to pay back the evil twins.

David: Man, I don’t see how you’ll be able to get even.

Lamar: (sighs) Yeah but I can’t just stand there like a punching bag. I have to stand up for myself!

David: Aaaaahh the man’s dilemma. What will you do?

Slap: Find a picture of them to embarrass them with.

Lamar: No…I need something original.

David: Dude…what the girls did…was as original as you can get. Pure awesomeness.

Slap: Yeah that was awesome. Maybe change schools.

Lamar: How will that get them back?

Slap: I don’t know.

Lamar: (shakes head) Ok.

David: Oh I got it!

Share this:

Closer and closer to day 100. So I hope dad’s day was a success for you. It was for me. Oh, I’m no father. Eh, let’s get to the stuff that ya came for, okay?

First off, the joke:

A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results. ”I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.” ”Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “How long have I got?” ”Ten,” the doctor says sadly. ”Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!”

“Nine…”

Aw man. Time is short, huh? Real short. And now here’s a video:

Share this:

So yesterday I had a book signing. But wait: I didn’t sign any books. So you imagine how things went.

People stopped by so that was cool. And I handed out cards that contained the code I told you about for the 15% discount.

But, my focus was not on the books.

As you know, I’m not a big fan of my books. My heart is in this blog. The blog was here before the books, and it remains after the books. I’ve already written a bunch of posts here that would’ve easily made a 3rd book. If I wanted to write books, I would’ve been whippin’ them out at a steady pace.

So what about the book signing?

Share this:

It’s Daddy day! In my elementary school, they would invite the dads to school for lunch in what was called “Dads and Doughnuts”. Moms were with muffins. Yum. My dad was one of just a few that would show up though. Yeah. Plenty of moms though. Anyway, it’s a father post today and we’ll get it kicked off with a joke.

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, “Daddy, what’s sex?” Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams…and he thinks, what the heck, and goes on to tell her the works. He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he’s finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: “So what did you want to know about sex for?” “Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs…”

When I realized the punch line for this joke I fell out laughing. That’s a lie I just laughed out loud for a few “secs”. Brilliant. If you don’t get it, I’m sorry but ask somebody or keep reading until you do get it. In the meantime, here’s a video of dads but you knew it would be about dads: