Hello everybody! It’s Saturday and boy am I excited to show you the good stuff I found for you. We’ll start off with a video. I love the guys at Just For Laughs. They do good work.

Alright and here’s a joke:

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

“Gentlemen,” he began, “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we’re about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!” With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. “Gentlemen,” he said, “I am the world’s greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world’s greatest athlete should have a parachute!” With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, “Gentlemen, I am the world’s smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world’s smartest man should have a parachute, too.” He grabbed one, and out he jumped. The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. “My son,” he said, “I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane.”

The hippie smiled slowly and said, “Hey, don’t worry, pop. The world’s smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack.”

Aw man and I love my Windows Phone! And my Xbox 360. And my Microsoft Office stuff. Well here are some words to calm me down:

Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. James 1:21

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie

There, I’m feelin a little better. How about a couple of images:

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Alright and how about we check up on the latest news. First, have many times have you been involved with a mass shooting and, while running away, you realize that your shoes are just not helping much? Well, Adidas knows your problem and is here to help. Introducing Adidas Bystander, the shoe designed for zig-zag running, slip resistant for running through blood soaked floors, and quiet as to not alert hunting shooters. Get yours today…or at the end of the month when they hit the shelves.

I’m struggling to understand this but apparently your phone number can be sold…as art. Yes, if you are active at porn sites and have “exposed” your number, the artist takes the number, paints it, and sells it. Yeah.

Okay well I hope your Saturday is a blast!

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