It’s baaaack! Last time I posted a Weekly Funnies was in February. So just to reintroduce you to what goes on here, WF shares a bunch of funny items like videos, jokes, and images. Sit back, and have a laugh.

Let’s start off with a classic:

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That’s messed up.

Next, we have a joke:

A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.”

“Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.”

So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks.

The drunk replies, “Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too.”

Sure, he did. Okay here’s a video I absolutely love. Now, if you’re sensitive to the f word, then just move on to the next thing. I’d say you’re missing out but to each his own:

Three women left separately after a very late night out drinking Guinness until the early hours. They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who had been the most drunk.

The first gal claims that she was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks”.

To which the second gal replied, “You think that was drunk? I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot, and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don’t even have insurance!”

And the third proclaimed, “I was by far the most drunk. I got home, I go in a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over and burned the whole house down!”

They all looked at each other for a moment. Then the first gal says: “Ladies, I don’t think you understand. Chunks is my dog.”

Oh dear…

Here’s a video all about sarcasm:

Pranking people is messed up. A prank that backfires is even more messed up, as this young lady learned:

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Okay one more joke for the road:

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, “Tonight, I’m the Designated Decoy.”

Oh that’s brilliant! And that’s me since I don’t even drink nor care to.

And so Weekly Funnies’ return is a grand one, I think. As the weeks go by, I’ll be looking to add more stuff than the three things going on. Until then, thanks for reading.

-DALANEL

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