So…um…I’ll keep the history short. Let’s just say, last time I was lighting director for my church’s Christmas Cantata, it went badly. Very badly. So bad, I essentially went through a period of wanting and seriously considering leaving the church. In fact, the past three years that I did it, it got worse and worse until last year I was on the verge of tears.

Now, there’s a change in leadership. And this new director wants me to reprise my role as director of lighting. At first, I was like “Not a snowball’s chance in hell”. But, after further consideration, I decided to give the new director a chance. I wasn’t going to just walk back in though. I demanded that I see a very detailed plan on what would happen and when. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to be stressed out.

When you have your first rehearsal the week before the big show, things get stressful. Yeah.

Anyway, looking at the script and the layout of rehearsal times and stuff like that convinced me to give it another try. A fresh start, if you will. However, as I’ve described in an earlier post, I have a sixth sense about bad things in my life. And that sense is going crazy right now.

I hope I don’t regret this.

See, I’m still on edge. I talked about my problems with ushering so all year I’ve been a little disappointed in my relationship with my church. The key here is that if something happens similar to last year’s events, then I will gladly walk away. I’m mentally in that state right now. And, quite frankly, that’s not fair to the church. I’m a ticking bomb even now. I’m still recovering from my wounds and the slightest thing can set me off. I’m still raw.

But, we’ll see. I loved the job. It was fun. And I enjoy serving in my church. But, I will not subject myself to crap. And, if this doesn’t work out, most likely I’ll just stop everything and go sit down. I don’t have to be mistreated. I deserve better.