So it’s been 20 weeks, huh? Doesn’t seem that long. Hm? Oh you just want the funnies? Let me be quiet then. Have fun!

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. “How much is that Barbie in the window?”, he asks the shop assistant.

In a manner she responds, “Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00. ”

The guy asks, “Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others ?

“That’s obvious,” the assistant states, “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture… ”

___ AND HAPPINESS cyanide-and-happiness-head – FU

A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. “Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm”?

“Because he was conceived during a mighty storm”, she said.

Then he asked  “Why is my sister named Cornflower”?

“Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her”, she replied.  He then asked “And why is my other sister called Moonchild”?

“We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived”, the mother replies.

The mother paused and said to her son… “Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious”

iLOL'd - 10_12_2013 10_06_19 AM

 

As a mother passed her daughter’s closed bedroom door,she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout  with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, “What in the world are you doing?”

The daughter replied, “Mom, I’m thirty-five years old,unmarried,and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband.Please, go away and leave me alone.”

The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room,he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, “Dad, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband.! Please, go away and leave me alone.”

A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked, “What the heck are you doing?”

The husband replied, “I’m watching the ball game with my son-in-law.”

-DALANEL

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