Dante’s Opinion: How can I forgive my abusive ex boyfriend?

Yes, our question is from “There’s No Stopping Me” and it goes a little something like this:

How can I forgive my abusive ex boyfriend? Do I need to say it to his face or can I just say it in my heart?

I’m not sure if I want to get back with him ever again but what I do want to do after three years of being mad and angry all the time is that I want to release the negative emotional bondage he has on me and that is why I want to forgive him. Now, I put a restraining order against him when we first separated and he even went to jail and served one year for an assault he did against me. The restraining order should be expired by now as it was only active for 1 year. I have no way of contacting him only through facebook. But my question is, to forgive someone for doing something bad to you do you have to tell them you forgive them? Or can you just do it from your own heart and mind? I’ve tried to forgive him on my own but I still feel that emotional bondage he has on me. I don’t know how to get rid of it. I don’t know what else to try. It’s been three years and I’m tired of feeling angry. I’m tired of him having power over me and my emotions all the time. I’m tired of going out in public afraid that I will bump into him. I just want to feel free again. I want to forigve him for my own well-being. I’m thinking of contacting him and telling him how I feel. Not necesarly get back with him, BUT to tell him that I forgive him and even apologizing for putting him in jail. That I was just very angry at the time and I felt like he deserved it. But that now im ready to move on and that I dont want to be angry anymore. And that’s why I forgive him and wish him well. I don’t know if he will get angry if I message him through facebook, im very scared of his reaction like call me a stalker or even think that just because Im messaging him then it means I want him back. I don’t want him to think that about me. I just want to release this emotional power he has over me .

There’s a lot going on here but not complicated. It seems this person is willing and ready to forgive so we can skip over the importance of forgiving. We’re at the how. To me, I don’t think you have to tell someone face to face that you forgive them. Of course, I also think part of it is preference. If you feel like a confrontation will help you, then meet with that person. In this case, since he abused you, maybe bring a friend if you’re scared.

Now, with all other things failing, there is God. Okay, so God will bring you comfort. You don’t have to be scared of somebody. It’s a shame because this guy is probably not even thinking about you. They say it often how we can be mad at someone and the person is not even aware. But yeah, the idea of a somebody holding you hostage emotionally is something God can take care of.

So, pray to God, ask Him to rid you of these emotions.

Ultimately, either way works. Like I said, I think it’s preference. I can forgive someone without confrontation. Some people feel better to just tell the person how they feel. I don’t know the personality of the person who wrote this, but, by the writing here, this person probably needs the confrontation but, as it was said, does not want to seem like you’re trying to get back together or establish a relationship. In the end, do what is comfortable. If a Facebook message is your ideal way, then do it. This is for you. You need peace. You need closure. In this moment, it’s okay to be selfish.

That’s just my opinion!



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