The ushering saga continues. This time, I am pleased to announce that positive changes have been made. I mentioned a little of this last update but they are offering a training course as well as calling for more ushers.

It’s great.

I wanted to say thanks. I appreciate.

But…

And you should turn back if you don’t like rants.

The a major problem exists. Still. The person that did me harm that fateful day in July is still around. I mean, this person works with the ushers closely so she wasn’t going anywhere. Like I said in my Mother’s Wrath post, she’s a respected person.

Talking to the other ushers, I wasn’t alone in my being “whipped”.

So, while some changes are being made to improve the situation, the biggest source of problem is still here.

I’ve been thinking about this. The earliest I will come back is January 2014. Folks have tried to convince me otherwise but I’m too stubborn. Once I make up my mind, that’s about it.

I have also considered what I would do once I come back and the situation is still the same. If the church made absolutely no change, I would not return. Why bother crying about something but still putting up with it. Either shut up do the job, or say something and back your words up.

The church has made an effort so I have to come back and see if we can work it out.

But, I promise you, if that person, or any person that has no business talking to me in an abusive tone crosses me…

I. AM. DONE.

I quit. Turn in the badge. I do NOT have time to subject myself to unpaid abuse. Not today, as my buddy Mutombo would say. So, would I leave the church or would I just be a part of my church and not be active?

I still think about leaving the church. This means I’m still healing. I already know myself. I knew I would need all of this time to heal. I have to be in the right frame of mind to be an usher. If I’m not ready by January, then I’m not ready. We’ll see.

I am a man of action. I have to be doing something. I can’t just sit and do nothing. There are other ways to serve in my church. I probably won’t leave.

So, is there any way I can avoid another brush with this person? Nope. That’s what I’m scared of. I am absolutely sure that our paths will cross again in a similar situation like before. And then what? What happens when I decide to quit?

First of all, people will shake their head and think that this one person set me on edge. I keep trying to tell people: It was four years of stretching a rubber band before it finally snapped. It wasn’t just one thing. It was a build up of crap and foolishness.

No more.

Some will try to tell me, “you’re serving God, not that person”. I got an answer for that. As I understand it, God wants us to serve for Him. However, I also understand that God wants His people to work well together.

Which brings me to my next point…and it’s a dangerous point. But, I’m not going to ease in.

She’s got to go.

If you’re being a cancer in the church, or in the workplace, or anywhere, you’ve got to go. If nobody can work with you, you’ve got to change.

She has to go. I said it. I promise you this: It’s either me or her. I’m putting this right here in the open. This town ain’t big enough for the two of us. And since she’s a well respected person in the church (I’ve been a member for 16 years so I’ve got some history myself) I would figure the church is going to side with her. So, in the eventual rematch, I’m not even going to call her out. Why bother?

F it.

I’m going to go sit down. I’m going to have peace in my life. I suggest you do the same. God is a God of peace. He doesn’t want us serving Him is hostile situations all of the time. For me, I won’t feel bad at all. I didn’t feel bad walking away the first time. I already have grey hairs on my head. Yup. 22 and grey. Some could say genetics. Others could say stress. Welp, I’m not letting myself get stressed out over something stupid. A single mother of three and she’s only 25 has a reason to be stressed. I don’t.

We deserve better. There’s a lot of crap we have to put up with. I get it. There will be conflicts with people in our lives. I got that. Still, some things are just unnecessary. We wonder why some people are shooting up these places. Some people done had enough and have snapped. I’m not going out like that.

I want you to tell me I’m in the wrong here. Tell me I’m overeating to this whole ordeal. I’ve told you every detail I can in my posts. Go back and read them. I’m not perfect; I screwed up my share of times. I’m not the completely innocent kid. Still, there’s a line.

Thanks to my church for stepping up, but, there may be a storm heading our way. A storm that will leave things in shambles for somebody.

I will end on this: I’m not going to bad mouth my church if they side with her. She’s a nice person, probably just no good in her role. We all have personality issues we need to work out.

-DALANEL

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