Dante’s Opinion: Do men have “backups”?

It’s another round of questions that I offer my opinion on. This first one is from a DALANEL reader. Chocolate Vent asks:

I am a single woman who has several male friends. I do have a few “backup” choices – guys that have expressed genuine interest in marrying me – but I’m not attracted to them (no physical attraction, no romantic chemistry, etc.). As I go further into my thirties I am seriously starting to consider marrying one of these “backup choices”. And I know I am not the only one who feels this way – a lot of women have “backups” in the event we do decide to get married & have not yet met our dream mate. My question is this: Do men have “backups”? I would think not considering men have far more options than we do, but I am curious if a man would rather be alone or marry a female friend who will “make do” as his wife. What are your thoughts on this?

Alright…okay…For me, as a man (ironically, my nickname is still “boy”, but that’s a long story), I actually would rather be alone than just settle or get married to avoid being alone. Would all or most men look at it that way? I think so. It goes back to most men don’t have a social circle like women. They say men are more isolated than women. So, I would think they’d be comfortable being single vs just marrying a female friend.

With that in mind, do we have backups? That’s a tough one. I guess I would agree they don’t have backups in a sense. I think men do have a list of women and they do consider who their best mate would be. Then, they go all in to win her heart. If it fails, then he looks for another. I don’t think he’s thinking about who he could settle for while chasing; maybe because men are more tunnel vision types. Like how men can only have one thought his head vs how women can think about a lot of things at once. (I’m not saying this is fact, just relaying the stereotype. Whether it’s true or not is up to you).

Next question is from Dao and it hurts my feelings:

Why is it that it’s okay for a modern day western woman to say she wants a man who is financially stable makes good money have good looks etc yet when a western man says he wants a woman who’s young and beautiful  in their early 20s only he’s considered a  bad guy When a man says hes only interested in marrying a women that is young and beautiful of a certain age range say 20-25 he’s considered a man who views women as sexual objects ? and disrespects women ? but when women say they want to marry an older man who’s financially stable makes good money has good looks and education etc. Nobody says nothing.

There’s just that double standard. It’s messed up. Like, an older man with a younger woman and it’s like “Good for him!”. An older woman with a younger man “Ugh, that cougar!”. The worst one for me is how a man with kids that are not his own is creepy. I deal with this all the time as someone who works closely with kids. I plan on stopping in the near future to avoid any accusations. But yeah, double standard. This will always drive a wedge in gender relations.



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