Another round up of some funny stuff on the web. Are you ready? I can’t hear you! No, really, I can’t. Sorry.
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the Kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and asked, “Johnny, what is the matter?”
Little Johnny groaned and responded , “I have a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
My laptop or WordPress is struggling with photos today so darn it darn it darn it.
One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.
She started with, “This was England’s finest hour.” Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, “Winston Churchill.”
“Congratulations,” said the teacher, “you may go home.”
The teacher then said, “Ask not what your country can do for you.” Before she could finish this quote, another young lady belts out, “John F. Kennedy.”
“Very good,” says the teacher, “you may go.”
Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnnie said, “I wish those girls would just shut up.”
Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Johnnie instantly rose to his feet and said, “Bill Clinton. I’ll see you Monday.”
A little johnny comes down for breakfast, since they live on a farm, his mother asks him if he has done his chores.”Not yet,” said the little johnny. His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores.
Well he’s p!ssed off, so he goes to feed the chickens and he kicks a chicken. He goes off to feed the cows and he kicks a cow. Then he goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. “How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk on my cereal?” he asks.
“Well” his mother says “I saw you kick the chicken so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren’t getting any milk”.
Just then his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat as he is walking into the kitchen. Little johnny looks up at his mother and with a smile says, “Are you going to tell him or should I?”
“I don’t get it…oh…OH! Ahahahahahaha!” But really, if you don’t get it, I’ll tell you. But remember, I can’t untell you.
That’s it for today. RIP. I mean, it doesn’t mean we’re dead, right? Have a restful, peaceful day. Ya know? Eh…
- Weekly Funnies 23: Cyanide and Happiness (dalanel.wordpress.com)