We took a look at awkward moments sometime last week. Welp, today we’re gonna talk about some…interesting things that have happened to me.

You gotta laugh at yourself.

In my original post, I only had two moments. This time, those two return as well as a couple of new moments. I rarely feel embarrassed about something, but when I am embarrassed, it’s worth the feeling I guess.

My pants fell down.

I remember this day. I was wearing a pair of button down pants. The kind of pants that athletes wear for warm-ups before a basketball game. Well, over the course of the day, my top button on I believe the left side started to rip or something. Anyway, I was in the parking lot of my church. Right in the middle of the lot. The catch? Church had just ended and so there were a lot of people walking to their cars, driving around, or just standing around talking to friends and such. And my pants just fell. But I wasn’t the first person to notice. There were a couple of kids who were pointing and laughing at me. The very next second, I felt a nice breeze (it was Fall weather. Very fitting) in my private area. The next second, I look down and see my pants are sliding down . I managed to pull them up before they passed my knees.

That was one of the most humiliating moments of my life. I was just a pre-teen too, maybe even younger than that.

I peed on myself.

Not your typical pee on the self story. In fact, it wasn’t the sight of pee. Whenever I’m nervous, my bladder tends to want to empty itself. Most of the time, it’s #2 for some odd reason but there has only been one certain occasion where pee is the main culprit: Band concerts. Oh dear God. I mean, I’m a good saxophone player. I knew all the songs. I wasn’t nervous about that. I’m the stage fright guy.

You know how mom or dad asks you “Did you use the restroom? We’re about to leave and I’m not stopping anywhere.” or something like that? Well I always used the bathroom before I left for the band concert. But again, my bladder would not be denied. When we got to the church where the concert was, I needed to use the bathroom. I didn’t know where the nearest bathroom was. I eventually found one and just as I reached the stall, it started. I was peeing right there while trying to untuck my shirt and unbuckle my belt and pull down my pants. I managed to pee about half of it into the urinal but the damage was done.

But that’s not the end of the story.

I still had a band concert to play. And I stunk so bad of pee. I smelled like piss. And there was nothing I could do. I tried to keep my distance from everyone. Also, I had about 30 minutes to showtime. I did my best James Bond impression and tip-toed  around the church looking for anything. I was desperate. I was going to put lotion on my pants. Air freshener. Yeah, THAT desperate. Unfortunately, I missed the lineup call. Playing the saxophone, the band conductor put my section in the middle of the band. They found me and I had to get to my spot.

Here it comes.

There were two things that made this thing just awful. Here’s a guy that smelled like piss. I had to walk in front of sitting people, in order to get to my spot on the stage. The height of their heads while sitting was lined up with my…piss area. I know they smelled it. Oh wait, here’s the second thing: We were crammed on the stage. The stage was already small. So you can imagine how awkward it was for me to have to walk by. It took awhile to get to my spot. People had to move their music stands and stuff. I knocked over somebody’s stuff. This is all happening in front of the audience as well. Just a terrible experience all around.

Wow, first two moments happened at church. Two churches. I wonder…nah. This could’ve happened anywhere, right?

A terrible grammar mistake in my book.

I won’t get into the details behind the book itself as I already talked about it. However, in the blogging world, correct spelling and grammar is very key. Welp, over a year after I published my book, I was reading over it. And, something caught my eye: I used “Your” when it was supposed to be “you’re”. I was mortified. I hate those types of mistakes. Don’t get me started on “ur”. Some people honestly don’t understand the difference and it’s alarming.

Anyway, this one mistake caused me to take the book off the market…permanently. Like I said, I already talked about what happened when I took the book off the market. It may not seem like a big deal, but, for me, my world ended for a couple of days.

Left the sticker on

Oh gosh. Have you ever done this or at least seen this? I had brought this new pair of jeans and was feeling pretty good about my life. I don’t remember where I wore them the first time, but, there were plenty of people. Might have been at church. Hmm…yet another negative moment at church. Anyway, there was a sticker on the back of the pants that showed the size of the jeans loud and proud. I wore it all day and, when I got home and took them off, that’s when I saw it. I was so mortified. And this sticker was a few inches long so I’m sure people saw it. What’s up with that? Ya gotta take off so many tags and stuff before wearing clothes.

So there you go. Any embarrassing stories you’d like to share? Hit the comments!

-DALANEL

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