There wasn’t supposed to be an update until Friday night. But, something happened on Sunday that is so frustrating for me and for the lighting.

As I’ve said, I’ve been doing this for now my 4th year. I’ve followed the same strategy each time. It was finally pointed out to me that what I’ve been doing…if a fire marshal saw it, the building would be shut down.

I have no problem following the law. I’m just…why four years later? As active as the church is on a daily basis, no one noticed my work until now? Less than a week before the show?

That’s where it gets fuzzy.

Ironically (?), the way I’ve been doing things kept the lights on. Let me explain. In my first year, I plugged everything in and turned everything on. I didn’t use power strips. It was directly into the outlet. Nothing stayed on for too long. I bought in household power strips. You know; stuff for the entertainment system. Still didn’t work. We had to get stuff that was for the big leagues. Heck, one of the power strips we got, on the box it said good for construction zone appliances. And even then we were struggling.

This was the first year where I went to the lighting company that we rent our stuff from for some power strips. Still didn’t work. I had to kill half of the lighting; as you may have saw in my last update video.

So, where is the setback? What could you be shut down for? You can’t have an extension cord go into a power strip which goes into the outlet. I’m not going to argue it or whatever. Again, I’m not mad at the rules. I’m mad that it took freaking four years for me to be notified. I was told I could do it. Okay fine, no problem. Now it’s no?

So now, the power strip, which was easing the power load on the church, cannot be used. We now have to hope that the church itself can handle all of the power. And we’ve only increased since the first time.

Every year.

By the way, the rest of the post can be put in “rant” category. Turn back now if you hate whining and complaining.

Every single year there’s something so stupid…not stupid…just frustrating. I’ve just about had it. They can get somebody else for all I care. I spent weeks preparing for this. Nobody says a word. Years. Everything is fine. Did the church just find out? Or did we simply not care?

Guess what?

I don’t need a gold medal. I don’t need a freaking parade. I don’t need anything. I do what I do because I enjoy it and/or I understand that this is bigger than me; it’s all about God. That’s all fine an dandy. In this case, I’ve always considered myself to be like Jonah from the Bible. I have been trying to run away from this job. I don’t want it. I’m tired of it. But noooooo, I have to do this. And sure, it’s all about God. But you know, somebody else is going to have to do this.

I’m going to tell you why somebody else has to do it.

Because I’m going to start slacking. I’m going to start being lazy. I know how to be a bum; I’m an expert. Many people believe I’m “Mr Reliable”. Y’all in for a rude awakening. I have better things to do. This setback…I was done. Everything was done. We had a terrible dress rehearsal but the show was ready to go on. Now, it’s all of these questions.

I get it. Stuff happens. If this is the norm, then I’m definitely not the man for the job.

Let me tell you how I feel about this setback. If you haven’t seen Spider-Man (Sam Raimi) then don’t read. I’ll let you know when the spoiler ends. Okay, so, in the first one, Spider-Man narrowly escapes death by the Green Goblin’s glider. The glider ends up killing “Gobby”. Spidey then hands takes the body to his house. Harry cathces him and assumes Spidey killed his father.

Remember Spider-Man 3? The butler finally decides to let Harry know that it wasn’t Spidey’s fault (there’s holes in that part. SO MANY HOLES) and now Harry’s life is a lie. He spent the rest of the first movie, the entire second movie, and most of the third movie living a lie. Just for somebody to walk up and conveniently explain what reality is.

*End spoiler*

That’s how I feel. All of these years for just somebody to tell me I’m a lie. Combined with years and years of stress, I don’t know. I don’t know why I did this to myself again. I keep doing this again and again and again. I keep pulling my pants down and letting everybody have at it. I keep dropping the soap.

Is this my last year? I was planning on next year being my last as I would train my replacement. However, if this setback completely defeats me, I gotta retire. See, if the church can’t handle it; then I won’t be needed anyway. What would I direct? A bunch of lifeless equipment? Yeah, right. I and my team are gonna take a seat and enjoy the evening.

I’ve got to keep my cool around my team though. I can’t crack. Last dress rehearsal, they were a little more nervous than I would’ve liked. I can tell this experience has frazzled them a bit. Nobody needs that. I feel so bad. I did this. I dragged them into the pit of hell. They were just pre teens. Did I underestimate them? I thought they did a really good job considering it was their first time using it and under intense pressure. But, what if they crack? What happens then?

I have so many question marks? I feel like most of these question marks are just because of foolishness. The head director is doing the best she can; it’s her first year and she’s also new to the church. She’s doing the best she can. She tried to start early. Get things done. And yet, here we are. What a shame.

I’m going to get through this final weekend. And then I will make a decision as to whether this will be my last. I want to talk to my team and see how they feel. It’s a build up of all type of stuff. Like with the ushering thing. All kinds of crap was piled on until “SNAP!” and there goes my back. This could be a back breaking experience for me.

We’ll see what happens. I guess next update is if I can figure out a solution or not.