When homeowners Kurt and Elizabeth walked into their kitchen, they were not expecting their usually skinny bottle of virgin olive oil to have a bump just below the mid section.
“I didn’t understand it.”, said Elizabeth as she held her husband’s hand tight with one hand while wiping a tear with the other. “I looked at Kurt and I could tell we were thinking the same thing: We have to get this checked out. So we went to a doctor. I was so anxious. Was it a tumor? Were we going to lose our little…”
Elizabeth ended up sobbing before finishing the quote.
The rest, as they say, is history. Doctors confirmed that the bottle of virgin olive oil was indeed pregnant.
“I couldn’t believe it. I just couldn’t believe it. I’ve seen a lot of corny Christmas stories about some ridiculous miracle. Never thought I’d be a part of it.” said Kurt as he was in the local hardware store looking for paint for the nursery.
The bottle’s identity is being kept a secret because the story’s author doesn’t want to single a brand of olive oil out. It said that an angel told it…or her…her that this would happen.
“Kurt had just finished pouring some of me on some meat; I think it was for spaghetti, and then there she was. A beautiful angel had come to tell me I would be with child. Here I am, a virgin, about to conceive. I never even had the talk!”
Companies and brands like Ripley’s Believe It or Not are reported to be in constant communication with the family concerning endorsements and even a sitcom on NBC.
When asked when the baby would be due, the oil said “any day now” while some how rubbing her belly with no hands. The bottle also denied an appearance on the Maury Povich show saying that she “ain’t got no baby daddy.”
-DALANEL
Dante's Optimism 