This is part two of a post I wrote over a year ago. Go ahead and read the first one.

If you’ve watched enough horror movies, you will love this list.

Just leave that light switch alone

C’mon now, once the power goes out, it’s not coming back on.

You’ll wish Trevor gave you that early scare

Notice how in the beginning of the movies, there’s always that prankster/jerk that gives a character a scare? This is the movie’s corny attempt to get a jump out of you. This “scare” also serves to lead the scared character to later on assume that Trevor is scaring her again later in the movie, when, in fact, it’s the real deal.

If he tells you to run, RUN!

Jesus, man. Ladies do this a lot more than the guys. If a guy is trying to hold off the bad guy, and he tells you to “get the f*ck outta here!”, then you’d better get going. But, plenty of times, she thinks she can help. So, she decides to stand up and fight. And then the guy gets killed trying to protect her. I guess he was doomed from the start, but still.

The police are here. FINALLY.

Every. Single. Time. In the event that the local authorities are notified of the location of that serial killer, they don’t appear until it’s all over. Then, they wanna bust in the joint like they’re making a difference. Hey, news flash Mr. Cop, I had to kill the bastard. Nice badge though. Bet it’s not hatchet proof.

He has a bite mark, but I’m sure he’s fine.

Rule number one in a zombie apocalypse: Constantly check each other for bites, especially after a confrontation with zombies. And, if you find a bite mark, there’s no cure. Kill now, or be killed later…or soon.

Relax…find the right key and stick it in there

For those people that struggle to put the key in the car to get inside or to lock a door to keep the bad guy out, just breathe. It’s gonna be ok. For those of you that have a million keys…c’mon now. How many things are you really gonna open at one point in your life? I’ve got a key for the house and car. That’s about it.

You resurrected an ancient evil spirit on purpose. Why are you surprised that you are dying?

Maybe people don’t believe that would actually work. In any case, you said that chant or did that dance and, according to the scrolls or books or google search, this would bring back the spirit of Sally Basinger, a girl who seeks revenge for the man that raped and killed her for overcooking the roast. You knew this, and yet you went with it. Now die.

Your black friend just died

Look…I’ve spent years fighting the idea that Hollywood has something against black people surviving horror movies. But, for the love of D’Sean, I rarely find a good case. If you have a black friend, he’s going to die. Stay away from him or you could be right behind him. If you are black…well, see ya on the other side, bruh.

Those are a few more signs that you’re in a horror movie.

 

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