There can only be one, right?

I’ll spare you all of the details. Read my original thoughts here.

Since I posted that, we’ve made strong progress in purchasing the lights for service. This means I’m that much closer to having to make up my mind on what to do once that day officially comes.

I have decided that I will stop ushering. I love doing it; but I guess it would be easier to pull myself away from that. Ultimately, my anti-social, don’t want to be seen personality convinced me to give it up. It begs the question of why I did ushering in the first place.

For one thing, we rarely get any acknowledgement for what we do. It really is a thankless job compared to many other areas of a Sunday service. So, in the same theme as lighting, I didn’t have to be in the spotlight. I had an important job and I got it done. As always, I don’t need much public praise for my works. A thank you every once in a while helps but I don’t need a standing ovation.

What about teaching?

The way I see it, if I kept teaching and/or ushering, that would take time away from lighting. The church might have expectations of me being on duty every week. I’m the only adult on the crew, and perhaps they want that supervision.

Yeah, but.

My crew is bright. Give them a month and they will be able to figure it out. They could do it without my guidance. So, I could technically do what I want. However, it is important that I’m there at the table each week. That’s just the reality of the situation.

I teach on alternating months. However, I don’t actually teach until…eh…30 minutes after church starts. The kids meet in this big room for 30 minutes and have a time of praise and worship, scripture, and a little discussion. Then they break out into their classrooms and I would teach. Easy system.

It just so happens that lighting for church is most complicated when I’m not teaching. Praise and Worship requires the most light changing. So, my plan is to lead the crew in praise and worship and then jump down and teach.

I’m going to tell you how this will work, without getting too technical.

I have created a sheet that contains all of the lighting designs needed for a particular part of service. There’s a specific design for prayer, communion, Praise and Worship, sermon, blah, blah, blah. So, while I may not be there, my voice lives on. As long as my technicians know how to read (they do) then there’s no problem.

So, basically, I will continue to teach as usual. And, instead of ushering during services, I would now light them.

Going down this road wasn’t easy. Well…it was sort of easy. I’ve had negative moments from ushering. I had to quit for a time. I considered leaving the church.

In the end, ushering became a job, more than a time to serve and minister. That’s where it all ended. I’ve said this about my writing. If I found myself feeling like I have to write all or most of the time, it was time to hang it up. I have never felt that way about teaching. I have always had energy in my 11 years. It’s fun hanging out with the little kids; watching them grow and learn about God. Plus: They are absolutely adorable.

I simply can’t give that up. In my heart, I know I have to stay there. The kids love me and I love them. It takes special person to handle the PreK and K group and I have that gift.

So, I made up my mind. Then, I started to think about if the church told me that lighting was all or nothing. Either sit there each week, or not at all. Drastic, but ya never know. So, I’ve also decided that between lighting and teaching, teaching will always win. I’ll drop lighting. Somebody else can lead it because, as I’ve said, I’m no leader anyway.

I’m at peace with this. I spent time praying and thinking and this seems the best road. One day, I could usher again. Here’s the thing about a Lighting Designer: They don’t execute the design; they create it. During the week, I create the design and my team executes it during service while I do my thing. That’s the nature of lighting.

I also have said that if the purchase wasn’t happening by my birthday, I would also quit lighting. That’s still on the table.