You can tell this post is gonna be deep…right?

I’ve always looked forward to death. If you’ve read this blog enough, you know this. I really look forward to it.

I get to go to heaven. I mean…that’s it. Heaven is where the action is, baby.

Countless times, you hear that death is something we must avoid at all costs. I mean, don’t kill yourself, but I don’t think you should look at death as something disastrous. I mean, if you don’t quite believe in the life after death concept, then yeah, death can be scary.

But, for me, death is the start of something. Something great. Something eternal. That’s why I don’t mind death. I don’t care. Sometimes, when I’m at funerals, I can hear myself think “you lucky dog”. He’s finally done. He’s free. He’s celebrating in heaven (well, I would think he is, but nobody knows for sure).

Anyway, I’m here. Now, in the past, when I first realized that heaven was waiting for me, my first instinct was to die. I wanted to die and get to heaven as soon as possible. Let’s wrap this up. Call it a day. What was the point of life?

I’ve gotten over my desire to die, but I will always look forward to it. I’m not a fighter. If I got cancer, I’d probably do whatever the doctor says but, ultimately, in the back of my mind, I’ll always have that “it’s okay to die, though”.

I can admit I have a fear of suffering. I’m not at a mental capacity to fight an illness or physical disability. Fear of aging? Probably. I look at my over 90 year old great grandmother. She is capable of living on her own, so that tells you right there she’s still doing her thing. That’s how I want to be.

To be less than 100% doesn’t appear to be worth it on the surface because heaven becomes an even better looking object. It comes with a new body. A better body. An eternal body. Sitting here in a wheelchair not able to feel my legs isn’t fun compared to that.

So, is death really bad? What is life?

I say death is exciting. I’ve always imagined how I would go. I prefer quick and painless. Perhaps die in the sleep. The whole, natural causes bit.

I’ve have my mental health questioned on my fixation on death at such a young age. We look at this physical life something that matters and precious.

It is. Life is precious. But…it ain’t life with God…next to Him. Seeing Him. Everything else is like…meh…

So, if death is something to look forward to, then what in the heck is life?

Life is…

I don’t know.

I couldn’t tell you what life is because there’s a lot to it. There’s an experience of life that is important. Fellowshipping with others. Family. Highs. Lows. Cliché after cliché. Is that it? Is there more? Ignoring the spiritual side of things, I think that’s it. There isn’t much more than the basics that you’ve probably heard before.

So, what happens when Jesus enters the picture of life? The Holy Spirit and all of that…what happens?

I mean, look, I see it like this: Life as we know it was not how it was supposed to be. I think that’s why life seems odd, at least to me.

We were created to have a direct relationship with God. That’s what Adam and Eve were about. They walked with God and chilled with Him. They were as close as a water molecule and another water molecule.

Then the fall.

Then the separation.

That’s it, right there. That separation caused a lot of things to happen. Pain. Sorrow.

Death…physically. More importantly, death…spiritually.

I think trying to figure out life now doesn’t make sense because that’s not what life is supposed to be. Life as we know it is not really life. I’m not trying to Matrix on you, but that’s where we’re at. But, when we go to heaven and we have the new life, this new life will be pretty much what Adam and Eve experienced. There will be a time where the enemy won’t even be around. Just us and God.

That’s life.

Being with God. I think that’s life. Having His life in us. That’s life.

It almost seems too good to be true and we’ve been trained to automatically doubt the too good to be true scenario. But, not with God. He is truth. What He says, you already know it’s nothing but true. So, that’s something to look forward to.

Death is not really bad because it leads to life. The life we were supposed to have.

It would appear that my fixation on death is really a symbol of me wanting life. Not accepting that this is what life is supposed to be, even though it is what we have to deal with. God wants much better for us than this.

But, there’s one more thing.

Life as we know it, isn’t bad at all.

God created us in His image on a variety of levels, with physical being the least likely thing He was thinking about. We have the ability to choose our destiny. Animals are programmed. We are not, and this is because we have spirits.

I think God likes the idea of testing His people, and life is a test. Perhaps He wants to see who truly is following Him. If you’re willing to stick with Him through the bad times, He’s going to appreciate that. He’s looking for that, among other things, in this life.

So no, this life isn’t a waste. I don’t think it was the original plan, but God always salvages things. Nothing throws Him off. He’s ready for any and everything.

So, I guess I’m going to try to wrap this up.

Live life, but don’t get consumed by it. Life is important, but, in the end, death is the gateway to true life.

I’m at peace with death now because I understand this. I can only hope you see this too.

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