Why do we love people? Like, where does this feeling come from? I always wondered about such things.
I asked one of my sisters, Andrea, why she loves someone. After a few moments of thought, she said because she could trust that person.
We seem to have reasons; perhaps subconscious, that cause us to love. Perhaps that helps us decide who to love more.
My sister and I talked about it more. I asked her a simple question: So, if you couldn’t trust me, then you wouldn’t love me?
I also asked her: Is trust your sign of love? If I don’t appear to trust you, would you think I didn’t love you?
It was a deep day.
It makes me wonder about the source of love. To me, I think it’s legit to have various reasons that bring out a stronger love for an individual. Andrea is my sister, though not biological. Why do I love her?
We talk about a natural love for blood relatives. Where does that come from? Well, I could venture that we’re from the same line of genes and makeup, so it’s sort of like loving a version of you. That’s why siblings can have some of the best relationships at times.
So, there can be a base love. However, regardless of the relationship, something has to grow. As you explore your loved one, you find things that “I love about you”.
So, while I had a base love for my biological siblings, I still needed to find something to grow on. So, whether bio, god, or adoptive, I still find something I love about my siblings.
Andrea had trust. I love Andrea because of the aura of joy she has always had. Lighthearted. Ready to laugh. Have fun.
I think as we love people for character traits, we’re okay. We love the person for who they are. Andrea wants someone trustworthy. Not everybody is that way. You simply can’t trust everyone. Some people value encouragement. People who can encourage you hit your sweet spot. You might love someone for the joy they bring. Sense of humor. Boldness.
Whatever it is, we are drawn to it and we love it. By loving it, we love the person. Since that trait makes up who they are, we are indeed loving the person.
So, there are things about people that we love that are superficial. We love him because he’s great at sports. She can sing. She’s hot. He’s cute. He has a nice car.
If those are the reasons why we want to be around somebody, I’d say that’s not a stable reason to love. For me, and yeah, perhaps it’s entirely on opinion, but loving for who someone is, is better.
Actions speak louder than words.
So now what? How can we tell what we are loving?
Watch this. Let’s say you’re a girl. Your boyfriend has this spectacular car and drives you all over the town. You love it. You love him because…
But what if boyfriend had to get a car ten years old? All of a sudden, you decide you’ll get another ride from somebody else.
Did you see it? Seems like she didn’t love her guy because of the fact he was showing love by driving her around. No, she was in love with the car. He had the car so she appeared or perhaps thought she loved him. If she did, she likely would not mind how she got to her destination. She would have been appreciative of a loving boyfriend who took time to take her wherever.
The boyfriend gets this spectacular car. He wants to drive his girl around…and look cool. He’s not quite doing it out of the kindness of his heart. Shoot, he might be trying to get lucky tonight. Or during the drive; I’m not judging.
Okay but let’s say she looks good by his side. So, he drives her around. Eye candy. Buuut, she puts on a dozen pounds. Oh boy. Maybe she’s too chubby and unattractive. Don’t get mad at me, society runs like this.
Now he doesn’t feel like driving her around that much. He’s busy. Sleep. Lost his phone. Whatever. So, was he loving her, or the idea of what she represented? Maybe more focus on outer beauty and just said “F it” to inner beauty?
So yes, I believe the personality and character of a person should be the first and top love inspiration. Actually, I don’t even think it’s really bad to love for beauty or material. Just as long as it doesn’t outweigh the personality and character.