Dante’s Opinion (Rant): Apples or Oranges?

Oh, okay. This is one of the easiest questions.

Apples vs Oranges?!?!?!?

What kind of ques-……..

Apples. Ap. Ples. APPLES.

Apples are the better fruit and are the absolute best fruit of all time don’t even bother trying to tell me otherwise. I am allergic to apples to the point I get itchy and have trouble breathing and I AM STANDING ON APPLES FOREVER. Pie. Juice. Sauce. They smell good. A raw apple is so perfect. Crunchy but won’t break your teeth. Just enough flavor bursting in your mouth.

I get it, man. I understand why the apple became the fruit Adam and Eve ate EVEN THOUGH THERE IS NO MENTION OF SPECIFIC FRUIT. An apple can get you into trouble, babe. I rarely get sick so I guess I’ve had enough apples to keep all of the doctors away. I am telling you, bro, apples are the sh-t. Don’t @ me otherwise.

I really hope my mansion that Jesus is preparing is full of apples, kid. Like, on the real.

Oranges suck. I hate the smell. The acid leaves a bad taste in my mouth. They require so much work peeling away the nonsense. Too much juice makes a mess out of things. You could actually drown from an orange, alright? An orange. Why I hate watermelons too. Don’t get me started!

You know what? If a couple of situations are indeed “apples and oranges”, I’m going with the apples scenario. F all that. An apple beats an orange every time. Every time. I bet Jesus felt the same way, homie. On the real.

I’ll be real, I don’t like Apple products. I’m Microsoft. I bet apples don’t like em either. But guess what? If you’re gonna name your mega company after a fruit, ya darn well better pick the best, right? Right. An iPhone from Orange? Right.

Yo, I gotta get outta here. Talk to you later and long live APPLES.


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