I’ve worked on many projects. I’ve been a writer for many different sites and companies. Paid and not paid. Whatever. I’ve done creative, technical, freelance, play, and more. Sports, technology, business, lighting, and more topics.
Some of them worked out; others didn’t. But, there is one thing I have done in my career that I sometimes wish I didn’t do: Write a book.
Interpretations and Illustrations was a cute little project I did because I was led to but also, I wanted that experience of having a book and putting author on the resume. The actual book is not the problem; it’s the reaction of people that pisses me off.
First of all, I had no intention of telling people about the book. Nooo, it all started with my mom telling the congregation at a Wednesday night service it existed. A chapter in the book helped her with her sermon so she dedicated it to me and that book.
From there, one of the pastors decided to announce the book to the congregation on Sunday morning. By this time, is was February so she tied in some black history stuff or whatever. I was brought to the front of the church and got a standing ovation. I was extremely uncomfortable.
I made a mistake soon after. I agreed to do a book signing. A tragic mistake; but this is also when I started to realize how people felt about the book and my status as a writer.
What’s funny is, I spent most of my time promoting this very blog; and was ignored. “Oh, give me the book!” “Blog? What’s that? I don’t like that”.
It was from the blog. My book was from the blog and I mention it in the book. My logic was; if you liked the book, you’ll like the blog. But, blogging still has a reputation being a step child in the writing family. It’s a lot better than before; but it’s still a problem.
That’s why I regret the book. It knocked down my work on the blog as secondary. Not as good. Cute; but not a book. Author vs blogger. Society is wired to respect authors and look at bloggers as mid 20 kids with no life.
I regret the book because it paints a picture of who I am in the eyes of many; but that’s not who I am. My writing identity is lost in the shuffle with this blasted book. Someone read my love series on this blog and said it would make a great book. No. It’s here on this blog. Clearly, if I wanted to make it a book; I would. All of these years later; the SAME people ask me when the next book is coming. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of telling people to visit the blog. Sick of it.
They don’t want to; clearly. Why check out a little smelly blog when they could get a book!?
Today is a new day. I’m ignoring questions about this second…this sequel of a book. I feel like it’s a disrespect to me and my work. I told you time and time again that my blog is my baby. My legacy. Out of all of the projects I’ve done; this has been here the longest. It’s on its second rename; but the types of posts; the vision, is still here.
What I strive to be, is what is here. I regret the book; but the book was no mistake. I had to write it or risk God coming after me to complete my assignment. I wish it wasn’t blasted for all to see. I wish I didn’t decide to do that signing. I wish it published and that was the end of it. If I knew this blog would be hurt in credibility of my gift, I would probably write the book another way.
Maybe it wasn’t even supposed to be published. I have 7 pieces of work that are not published, but are in book form that I share with close people. Maybe that’s what I was supposed to do with this first book.
Better yet, I should really publish a book named after this blog. Maybe that’s what I should’ve done. Maybe that’s what I’ll do. Like I said, I have a lot of content here to make up another book. If it’s named after the blog, maybe it’ll click for some.
Here’s the thing: People’s reaction to the book and blog did not discourage me from blogging. I know what this blog does for people and for me. I know what I do here matters. This is not me throwing in the blogging towel. Far from it. This blog comes first. It’s my writing center. I will do whatever I can to link back to this site right here.
But, seriously, even as I write this, I am strongly considering a book based off of this blog’s posts. But, instead of last time, it’ll be a direct link to the blog. I am also strongly considering taking my book off the market. It’s not doing me any favors. It’s sure not selling. I can disappear from the book world and crawl back to the safety of my blog.
I’m surely not going to waste space here telling you to buy the book. Oh, hey, by the way, each chapter from the book is published here on the blog. So…yeah.
You know it’s bad when a book dedicated to my sisters is disgusting to me. That tells you right there how I feel.
I can’t control what people think about my book. I’m not mad that I can’t control that. I can’t control how people feel about this blog. I’m not mad that I can’t control that. The only thing I’m upset at is the book set my blog back for people. It hurts.
It hurts when something important to you is disregarded. Something precious to you means little to someone else. You work hard for something…work hard to do something…work hard to be something…and it’s not enough.
It hurts me because I’m not someone who aims to please others; so I just absorb the nonsense and keep it moving. But why?
When you’re given a vision…a calling, to do something, you do it. That’s where I am at. Let me give you an example.
Take a look at where you are as you read this. You know where you are, right? Now, you realize that you have to go to a place you’ve never gone to before. You have to drive there. You don’t know the area. You don’t know most of the way there. All you know is the destination’s name.
So, you hop into your car and, if you’re like a growing majority of people, you access your GPS app. Let’s say you use voice navigation as you keep your eyes on the road. She tells you in the next few miles, you’ll need to keep left. You keep left. In another several hundred feet, you’ll have to turn right. You turn right.
We tend to follow this system. We don’t know the way; but the system does. If you’re like me, your main focus is on the very next set of directions. God works like this. He’ll tell you to go left. You don’t know what’s after that left turn. But, you don’t need to worry about it. All you have to do is turn left.
See, people stress about the “how” on the destination. That’s normal. For me and my writing, I know the destination. I’m one of those people who has the concern of “when”. I am fine with the “how” as long as I know that’s what I am supposed to do. I know I am supposed to work this blog. I don’t always know how I will get to where I need to be; but all I need is for God to tell me and that’s a wrap.
Obstacles come into play and you can either freak out or keep going. Some people freak out; and turn too early. But, it’s funny. Your GPS unit will say “recalculating” to find you a route to your destination. A mistake isn’t the end. You can still make it. You may get there later than your were supposed to, but let’s get there. God wants you there. And as you run out of time on your last breath, at some point, the car can run out of gas and it’s over. We make mistakes, but time is a factor.
Focus on what you’re supposed to do. Focus on where you’re supposed to be. The book didn’t destroy my mission. I didn’t swerve off the path. I’m going to keep left and turn right. I suggest you do the same. Don’t let what other people think about your status dictate where you should go. Your accomplishments are yours as God leads you. Other people don’t understand your route. Other people have different paths for the same destination. You may be going to the same place, but you take the freeway and he takes the back roads. Run your race. Do your thing. Listen for God.
My blog and my book are both important to me. Don’t get me wrong. I liked the book and still do. But, the blog comes first. In a soft comparison, God wants no idols before Him. He wants to be your first. He knows you have other people in your life you value. He’s fine with it. Just make sure it’s not more important than Him.
It’s the same with my book and blog. My blog comes first and no other writing projects come before it. This blog stands above the rest of my work. At this point, that’s how it is.
I want to thank you for reading and following this blog. The posts here are no accident. This blog isn’t perfect, but it’s good. Keep doing what you’re called to do and I’ll do the same.