It’s really tiresome that we live in this type of world where we’re just on the verge of having this big orgy. I mean, really. This guy is sleeping this girl who slept with his cousin who had an affair with his wife who banged your ex-girlfriend’s brother or something I don’t even know anymore. F it.
Like, I get really discouraged at the idea of putting this expensive ring on somebody’s finger. Like, I just get all worked up. Marriage is a sacred thing but we’re moving further and further away from that and I want no parts of it, kid. Like, I’m really sick about it. Cheating is fine and divorce is nothing.
No, seriously, you got this thing where people get married and are like “well, just divorce him if you don’t like the smell of his feet”. Just…what? Marriage…I thought marriage was a permanent thing. The ultimate test of commitment and loyalty. I’m not even going to talk about the divorce rate because I actually believe there are some numbers being withheld from the explanation of that.
In the end, marriage seems to be something like a TV. If you don’t like the TV, go ahead and return it. No risks. You can quit whenever. It’s all cool, bro! Just bring that receipt. The thing about marriage though is you’re supposed to be really sure about stuff. You gotta really be ready to spend the rest of your life with this person. There are no returns. From a biblical standpoint, there’s only one or two things that allow for divorce, and even then, you have to go through stuff before…
Look, divorce is meant to be a nasty, last option. It should be the furthest thing from your mind. If you do your homework, you can avoid getting in bed with a monster. But noooo, since it’s easy to get out, we don’t really care about the risks, because there are none, or at least not many.
So yeah, I’m sick about it. Just sick about it. I have no idea if I will meet anybody and I happen to believe that I’m some sort of monk mutation or something like maybe I’m not called to even go down that road. Like, this is really some stuff, man.
At my age, you’d think I have at least considered marriage. Nah. Not yet. And, in a few years, society will have an issue with that. So, I’ll either be gay or a very damaged person. That’s how it works. Okay then. That’s fine. Seems better than the alternative.
At some point, it’s possible I’ll meet some girl and my world will change. It’s very possible. Maybe I know her now and it hasn’t clicked. Maybe I will meet her. Like, I’m not saying it can never happen. I am saying it would make sense if it didn’t. It wouldn’t bother me either way. I’m just pissed at what marriage is.
I ain’t gonna talk about what it was because I don’t know what it was. All I know is what it is now. Maybe I’m not allowed to talk about it because I was never in it. Yeah, okay, sure (no, I’m gonna talk about it). Guess what? We all had to imagine what it was before we stepped into it. We had to decide it was something worth getting involved in before doing it. So yeah, I’m gonna examine it from my vantage point.
I ain’t even gonna talk about TV and movies and the portrayal of affairs and all of that. I’m talking about the marriages I have seen. Obviously, I don’t know what goes on behind the scenes. But, from church and from family, I just don’t see how it’s worth it at this point. There are a lot of good things but, like, there is always a counter for that good thing.
I guess maybe it’s the fear that things can go wrong. Like, the ultimate worst case scenario. This year was a perfect storm of…how can I say this…well, I’m not going to use swear words so I can’t express how this year has been. But, it’s been a an example of one bad thing after another with no time to catch your breath.
And my luck in life leads me to believe that I’ll f things up on one of the most important decisions of my life. Just a big mess. I don’t feel like being stressed out about it so I just don’t care about it. Last time I worried about it was in high school.
I just roll. People my age are getting married and are in these relationships and I just roll. It doesn’t really bother me. That’s their path. Their destiny. Fate. Whatever. I know what my story is. I know what was laid out for me so I’m good. Yeah, I occasionally think it would be nice to basically have a best friend for life. Grow old together. Hand in hand. I mean, I don’t even want to be old. Like, it’s deeper.
Here’s the kicker: I’m not some rejected guy lashing out. I’m not some guy who tried to get different girls and was sent away like something from McDonald’s. If you believe in the idea that I practice what I write, you probably would think I’m a good guy (I’m actually not a good person but that’s another story). It would appear that I should have productive romantic relationships.
But no, I simply choose not to get involved at this point. There’s no real reason to. I’m not led to at this point in time so I’m not worried about it. I would be worried if I had something in my heart to have a wife and kids but couldn’t find her. Like, “am I doing something wrong”, ya know? But, currently, that part of my life is an empty void.
Like I said, I could run into a girl and my world goes 180 degrees. In order to have a friend, you gotta be a friend. So, I would actually have to put myself out there. It’s an interesting cycle…
I don’t have the desire to be with anybody because it seems like it’s not worth the time. Yet, the right girl could change that completely. However, I am not putting myself out there because, again, I don’t have the desire to be with anybody at this time. So, I may never meet her or at least begin growing a friendship enough to blossom into that thing that would led me to go 180. Yeah.
Hey man, I don’t think marriage is a joke. I think I just…it’s not for me. I see myself as a father more than a husband. Like, I’ve considered adoption more than marriage in my life. Or maybe impregnate some girl in a fertility-ah never mind. My hands are tired enough. From typing. Not from…you know…never mind. Lord.
Look, I’m not for or against it. I just really don’t care. I guess that’s my deal. It’s like a food. Some people love that food. Others hate it. Me? I mean, if it’s there, I can eat it, but I’m not actively looking to eat that food.