Dante’s Opinion: Should I Just Be A Mean Person?

This was a dark story, kids. But, this is easy to handle. Let’s go:

Ok so I’ve always been a very nice and kind person. I’m willing to help out others and favors but at times it ends up badly. I had some friends that thought I was such a sweetheart and fun to be around with but they NEVER EVER invited me anywhere and also when we make plans and they just blow me off. Some lied and said they had to cancel or work but in reality, they went to other events and they even said it right in front of me. I didn’t want to look upset but I just brushed it off and told them it was ok. My dad has been warning me that those people aren’t my friends and he’s seen the way they have treated me. My dad told me that the problem is is that I’m way too nice to people and you forgive them when they hurt me and sometimes I’m going to have to be a but rude to avoid being hurt. I don’t like being mean. I’m too nice, soft and polite. I always obey my teachers, follow EVERY rule and I just can’t be mean. My peers got very annoyed with me because I never get angry when someone does bad to me or don’t get into trouble. One of them said, “Jeez, do you EVER get in trouble?”

Anyways They invited me to a graduation party and said they would call me. I went home and got ready. I called them but they didn’t answer. I called 4 times and they didn’t answer. Then I called the house phone and her dad picked up and told me she and her friends left an hour ago. I was hurt and shocked and ended up not going and missing the party. I heard the girls encouraged her not to call me or not have me tag along. I was HURT when I say that. My dad was like, Shut up! Just shut up. I don’t wanna hear it. I TOLD you they weren’t your friends! I’ve been trying to tell you that for months. To put it bluntly, you need to stop being so nice and be more assertive!” My mom said, “We tried to keep you from getting hurt and you got MAD! You had no right to get angry at us. You wouldn’t listen. Time to find some new friends.”

Whew! This is one of the longest sto-eh, well let me go ahead and answer.

Your parents are right about this:

  • Those folks are not your real friends
  • You do need to be more “assertive” when it comes to the way you are treated

I think your struggle is that you associate being “assertive” or confident with being a jerk or something. Listen, standing up for yourself and demanding you be treated right does not make you a jerk. Now…HOW you stand up for yourself can put you in a negative light, but you certainly can’t let folks just walk all over you like this.

This was painful to read, if what you’re saying is all true. I mean…Lord almighty this is heavy. You have a bunch of people walking all over you and you think it’s mean to stop being a doormat. We’ve got bigger problems here and it’s not your “friends”.

You have to find value in yourself or this will keep happening over and over again. Even if you dump these clowns (you need to do that already!) you’re at risk of it happening again. Like I said in my book, “If you can’t love yourself, then how can you love others, and how can you expect others to love you?” One of my favorite lines. I’m awesome.

Okay, so you don’t want to stand up for yourself and be full of yourself like I just was with my book. But, you want to make sure people know you love yourself and will not tolerate mistreatment.

Your parents’ comments at the end are excellent, in my opinion (of course it’s my opinion. This is redundant). Thing is, they have decided that they have done all they can to tell you what’s going on and you refuse to accept it. They can’t force you; but they are likely sick of hearing about it. I can’t blame them. They are right. You need new circles.

But, again, you also need to work on yourself a little bit.

By the way, another point: Being confident and standing up for yourself does not make you a rebel. You mentioned how you do what you are told; you follow the rules. You following the rules has nothing to do with being mean or rude. In fact, you can be the biggest jerk in the world and still listen to what your teacher says. Not following the rules is not the answer. Lord. You should never think not doing the right thing is the answer. That’s my…my point.

Also, all of this mistreatment and you sort of just…take it. I mean, how long can you stand it before you snap? You can’t just let that happen and just “shrug”. I’m not saying shoot up the joint; I’m just saying you need to find release if you don’t already.

Alright; cool. Good luck with that.


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