Just a very disturbing story*. A Subway manager saw a sandwich eat a rat in an alley. Hey man, this happened in NJ. Just awful.
I encourage you to keep your family close tonight because muggers in the street ain’t your only concern, boo. It’s those sandwiches. Little monsters. The thing was huge; apparently about 6 feet. They make rulers that size!
Look, just follow the link for the full story. Keep an eye on your refrigerator in case a sandwich wants human flesh. F it, just empty it out.
*For all of you with no sense of humor, this is satire.