Dante’s Opinion: Are my boobs too big?

Welp, I guess it had to happen at some point. Someone wants to know the story of their boob size. Haven’t we been here before? Haven’t we all either asked or been asked this?


First of all, you are a pretty lady. But HOLY MOTHER OF A CAT’S GRANDFATHER THOSE ARE SOME BIG BOOBS! Look, whether real or not (and I won’t assume; I’m scared of backlash) those are big. You know what?

Things your boobs are bigger than:

  • My church
  • My car
  • A body builder
  • The world’s fear of its end
  • Michael Bay’s explosions
  • New York (city or state)
  • Pyramid schemes
  • All of us (humanity)
  • Michael Jordan’s ego (This first name is here twice!)
  • This blog’s potential
  • Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tubemen!
  • Bill Gate’s fortune
  • Your head
  • My head
  • The alphabet (cuz bra sizes are by letters, right?)

I mean, I think you get it. Get some work done (or undone, Idk). Like, is your back okay? Good mercy. Help someone with breast cancer. I’m not even trying to be funny. Okay…a little.

I hope to not have to deal with that again.


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