Things that happen when you lose your keys

We’ve done it before. Most of us have lost those darn keys. It’s like, why can’t we just…how do they….”Key Story”? Anyway, here are some things happen when you lose your keys:

  • Accuse everybody of stealing them. Even the unborn babies. You never know.
  • Pray for their safe return.
  • Curse everything.
  • Use language you may not have before.
  • Inspect furniture in such a way if you search someone like that, you’re certain to get slapped. Or punched. Or kicked. Or shot.
  • Call them on your phone (actually, there are apps now that, if you put a device on your keys, can tell you where your key is. I’m talking about using the actual telephone part of the phone to call them).
  • Ask the keys where they are “where did you go?”
  • Become a detective as you retrace your steps. Perhaps you retrace them as far as the first day you got the car six years ago.
  • Look in odd places. Maybe the keys took a shower (maybe they were watching YOU take a shower). Maybe they were hungry but locked themselves in the fridge.
  • Call Ghost Busters. Clearly, a ghost took them.
  • Go on the internet and share your story as evidence that, yes, inanimate objects are taking over the world.
  • Contact Pixar to get the official rules of toys coming to life and cases where they go rogue. Your keys may have simply jumped ship.
  • Turn all electronics’ volume down. Maybe you can hear the keys jingle?
  • Watch TV and hope the world ends so you have a proper excuse for being late to work (or worse, dinner with the spouse on the anniversary).
  • Learn how to hotwire a car and hope you can prove you own the car should the cops show up. (unless you’re black in which case I guess wear a bullet proof vest too?)
  • Realization that “always the last place ya look” is a very poorly made statement.
  • Learn magic in hopes of just making keys poof into existence.
  • Buy a new car and get spare keys for each room in the house as well as tied to each tire of the car. And STILL manage to lose them.

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