I love my Bible. The word of God. But, c’mon now…have you ever sat down and think about how things could’ve gone wrong? Special announcement: My next creative writing project is directly inspired by this post. Let’s get to it.

Let me first say that I have complete respect for the Bible. Let me also say I am completely aware of God’s hand in these events. But, you’ll have to understand this about me: I poke fun at anything (including myself). I will make the “gone wrong” version in bold font.

1. Peter Drowns

Imagine this, Jesus calls for Peter to join Him on the water (Jesus was walking on water). Peter, as the story goes, walks briefly but then doubts what’s going on and begins to sink. Jesus saves him. But, what if Peter instead drowns? Like, he goes into complete panic mode (you know how people drowning just lose sensibility) and nobody is able to reel him in.

2. Abraham moves too fast

God told Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac. Without getting too deep, this was an interesting test that essentially is the written reason why God sent His only Son to die. Anyhoo, Abraham gets ready to sacrifice his son to the Lord. First of all, I found it funny that Isaac is not described as freaking the heck out that his dad just bound him to the top of the altar. Just skimmed right over all of that, huh? Okay, Lord. But, sure, Abraham ties his son up and is ready to slay his son with a knife. Now, in the story, an angel of God stops Abraham by shouting to him. However, we could say Abraham moved too fast and killed his son.

3. She a hoe

I debated on how I would introduce this story. Then, I realized I wanted to do it how I wanted to do it because I ain’t gonna sugarcoat how Joseph was probably feeling when he found out Mary was pregnant. That’s right. Now, in the original story, Mary gets pregnant when the “Spirit came upon her”. I’m doing my best to leave the word “come” alone, y’all! Joseph finds out and, like a normal person, assumes she’s cheated on him since he didn’t get any. But then, an angel tells Joseph “it’s cool; it’s just the Spirit of God”. Joseph took that and ran with it. I’m sorry; but I would have a hard time accepting that, but Joseph was a good, God fearing dude so whatever. But, what if, even after talking to the angel, Joseph wanted out of the game? Think about it. It ain’t my baby. We’re not even married. I could really just get up and bounce. Joseph would be the worst step dad. “Go to your room” “NO! You’re not my real dad and He’s also your dad!” OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH! Could you really blame him?

4. Better kill Saul

Last one, and a play on some sort of hit spinoff show or something, I don’t know. You guys remember Saul in the Bible, right? Oh, I’m sorry; not the king who was out to kill David the murderous man-whore (well, I guess his son took that whore thing too far). No, I’m talking about Saul in the new testament who ends up becoming Paul. Well, there was a period where a man, named Ananias, was called to give Saul his sight. In case you don’t know the story, Saul was a champion killer of God’s people. Dude was one of the elite, kid. Saul had a reputation well earned. So, Ananias was like “um, he’s killed a lot of your people and was on his way to do more damage”. Now, Ananias…hey, I don’t know what he was thinking, but Ananias could’ve gone rouge and killed Saul right there and be done with it. Shoot, it would’ve been a bad move, but understandable.

Well, a combination of people doing what they are supposed, “destined” or even God making the call is how a lot of events in the Bible play out for our ultimate good. It’s really interesting to see how delicate it all is. Read the Bible. I guess because I’m student of the word, I pick up on these things.

What other stories can you think of?

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