Weekly Funnies 32

Weekly Funnies 31

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm. They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them.

The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean.

The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.

time machine(GOD! this is damn epic! 5 days coma, and thought he travel through time! LOLOLOLOL)

 

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Weekly Funnies 30

Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, “I know that you guys are forgiven because you’re here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big. What kind of car you get will depend on your answer.”

The first guy walked up and St. Peter asked him, “How long were you married?” He answered, “24 years.” “Did you ever cheat on your wife?”, St. Peter asked. The guy said, “Yeah, 7 times … but you said I was forgiven.” St. Peter said, “Yeah, but that’s not too good. Here’s a Pinto to drive.”

The second guy walked up and got the same question from St. Peter. He answered, “I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked it out.” St. Peter said, “I’m pleased to hear that. Here’s a Lincoln.”

The third guy walked up and said, “St. Peter, I know what you’re going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn’t even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!” St. Peter said, “That’s what I like to hear. Here’s a Jaguar!”

A few days later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar, crying on the golden sidewalk. When they asked him what was wrong, he said, “I just saw my wife. She was on a skateboard!”

funny-demotivational-posters-girl-scouts-cookies

 

 

Weekly Funnies 29: Funny Animals

Yo, it’s ya boy Danny and I’m taking the funnies shift from Dante this week. Good thing too because his sense of humor…eh. I’m playin.

So what is it? A joke, image, video, news, and possibly quote? And this is animal themed. As you might have seen in my avi, I like animals. No, not sexual intercourse level, but we tight.

Let’s get to the funnies!

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Aw dude, wth? Oh, here’s a joke:

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog says, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”

“No,” says the psychic. “Next semester in her biology class.”

Now hold on, he won’t actually meet her, right? Won’t he be dead already? Or maybe they’re introduced to the frogs but it’s later in the semester when they actually cut the princes open. F it; Idk.

Here’s some funny animal fails. I can’t promise to animals were harmed in the making of this video.

Okay, the dog that pissed on the other one. The heck was that about!?

Alright, guys and gals. I’m out. Peace and keep laughing or something.

Weekly Funnies 28: The Return

Alright, I gotta make up my mind. This is the second relaunch of this feature. It’s served me well though giving me tops daily views. So, I gotta bring it back. I’ll post them on Friday. The usual jokes, videos, and images are all up for grabs. Plus, I’ll add whatever else funny I see like news or quotes.

There’s a story behind it though. See, my girl Nia was actually working on a series related to this. What was cool about it was that she started working on it; I didn’t have to ask her. Unfortunately, she eventually called it off. Right before she did, I decided that funny stuff should indeed make a return to the blog. Either her feature would take it or I would bring this back.

Honestly, I hope she can eventually launch her own series. If not, she can at least post some funnies. But yeah, she wasn’t able to handle a weekly posting (I would’ve helped her but I preferred she do most of the posting). Anyway, I’m gonna try to get her to post here. Daniel already offered to help me out with the Weekly Funnies too.

 

Are ya ready? Let’s go!

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AAAAAAAAYYYYY! All up in there! Here’s a video:

Weekly Funnies 27

A little collection of jokes and images. That’s what we got going on up in here.

funny-meme-comics-covert-operation

 

A guy went to visit a friend at the hospital. His friend was all busted up and in several casts. After he determined that his friend would survive and eventually recover, he wanted to know what happened to his friend. Before he could ask, he heard his friend say “Talk dirty to Dr. Laura and she will take you out!” Wow! he thought, an opportunity to go out with Dr. Laura, my friend can wait, if I rush I can catch her at her book signing at the mall.

He got her latest book “Ten Thousand Stupid Things They Thought No One Could Possibly Do – And They Were Wrong”, waited in the signing line and met Dr. Laura. “Let me speak softly in your ear Dr. Laura, I have something private to say to you”, he said. Then he spoke so dirty, he even shocked him self. “What did you say” asked Dr. Laura, thinking she could not have heard what she thought she heard. He repeated it for her.

After a while the paramedics wheeled him into the hospital room next to his friend. He yelled to his friend, “Its your fault I’m in here, you said if I talked dirty to Dr. Laura, she would give me a date”. “Oh no” said his friend “she has a double super black belt in karate. I was warning you about what happened to me. I tried to talk dirty to her and she used that karate and took me out good fashion.”

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